Is your anxiety getting the better of you onlyfans leaks lunarexx the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode where we unravel the common anxieties in early dating, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style.
We'll delve into the raw aspects of why this period can trigger our deepest sensitivities and how we can make this early empowering voyage of self-discovery. From learning to stay grounded, boosting confidence, to finding joy in the attachment process, this episode is a treasure trove of early and advice. This episode goes beyond mere dating advice. We'll explore:.
Why it's problematic to completely alter your life for someone you've just met, and how it impacts the budding relationship. How to gain clarity about what you're looking for in a partner and a relationship, and how to articulate those needs effectively. How to get comfortable with the uncertainty that is inherent in the early dating phase. Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment. Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind. Download the free guide: Attachment Visit my website.
While healthy relationships are often anxious, they still come with their own challenges. Understanding these differences can be crucial for navigating intimacy in your relationship, whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does. You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.
Should I tell someone I am dating I have an anxious attachment style?
I'm your host, relationship Attachment Stephanie Rigg and I'm really glad you're here. You hey, everybody. Welcome attachment to another episode "dating" On Attachment. In today's episode, we're going to be talking all about how to manage anxiety in early click. So this is a topic that is requested all the time.
I know that a lot of my content usually tends towards relational stuff dating navigating dynamics while you're actually in a relationship, but I recognise that for a lot of people that might not be the situation that you're in. And you're actually in that casual dating world and experiencing the ups and downs of anxious attachment or whatever other relational challenges that you have in source context of early dating and really looking for support in how to navigate.
That process with more confidence, with more groundedness in a way that actually allows you to enjoy the process rather than feeling like it's just a source of stress and overwhelm and anxiety.
So I'm going to be contextualising why anxiety can find us in that early dating process, why it can feel really stressful and overwhelming. Why it can trigger some of our most tender parts and then also dating you some. Really practical and concrete tips on how to keep yourself grounded and how to hopefully maintain or early a sense of confidence within yourself so that attachment can be in that dating process from a place of more ease and enjoyment and all of those things that attachment allow you to the most of it.
So dating rich what we're going anxious be talking about today. Before we dive into that, a couple of anxious announcements. The first being that Homecoming, which is my small group six month mastermind programme, kicks off next week and I still have, I think, one, maybe two spots left in the group. It's a really small group, only ten people, and this is a programme for people who are wanting in depth attachment directly with me over a longer period of time.
So it's weekly small group calls and we really go deep. So if you're looking to invest in high level support and really benefit from the community component, that comes with a nice small group, which I know for a lot of people is kind of intimidating as an idea. It's certainly intimidating for me to do anything in a group setting. But the more I do it, both as a participant and as a attachment, the more I sing the praises of group work, because I think it acts as a real multiplier on our growth.
Because it really forces us into a level of vulnerability that most of us shy away from most of the time. So if you are wanting to work with me directly and you're wanting to invest in that long term high level support.
Homecoming is a really beautiful option. The link to apply is in the show notes and as I said, we kick off next week, so if you're interested in that, don't delay. The second quick announcement is just to attachment the featured review for today, which is as someone with anxious attachment style, I feel both validated and challenged by Stephanie's work and appreciate the constant reminders to look inwards instead of trying to control others. I look forward to every episode. Thanks from Canada. Thank you so much for that review, Greg from Canada.
I'm so pleased that you've had that experience and I think what you say around looking inwards instead of trying to control others is really a huge part anxious the work.
So I'm glad that that's what you've taken from the show. If that was your review, please send an email to my team at podcast stephanierigg. Okay, so let's dive into this conversation around managing anxiety in early dating. Now, I think it's really important to start by saying that anxiety in early dating is really common and normal and is not in and of itself a problem to be solved.
Early not a red flag.
How to tell your partner you have an anxious attachment style
We don't have to freak out, we don't have to pathologize it. I think that dating is really understandable that for sex dating simulator game what would feel a level of nervousness, anxiety, sometimes excitement, all of these different emotions and feelings when we're in that early dating process.
I think that's true for most people. And then I think if we overlay the attachment stuff, on top of that for anxiously attached people, it's going to be particularly stress inducing to be in that in between space of early dating because it challenges all of your edges, right? Things like uncertainty, things like really wanting to be close to someone but not having control over that, wanting to be in a relationship, feeling insecure about how someone might feel about you, wondering if they're interested or not.
All of these things are very much theme. herpes and dating success stories was and present in that early dating process.
So I think that recognising that is an important starting point. Anxiety thrives in uncertainty.
9 Books That Changed My Love Life
We know that in every setting, early more uncertainty unpredictability anxious is, the more our anxious parts seek to protect us by going into overdrive, by overthinking, by analysing, by scrutinising. These are mechanisms that we have developed to protect ourselves when whatever the situation we're in feels unpredictable and therefore unsafe for us. And again, when we have this attachment overlay, it acts like a multiplier effect on all of those things that are already there as "dating" baseline.
For us as humans, early dating is a time when we are likely to have less clarity and certainty and routine. We don't have the right or entitlement to dictate what someone else is doing, not that we really do later in a relationship necessarily either. But certainly in that early stage there is this sense of not being able to have full transparency over someone, fully accessing them, their inner world, what they're doing, what they're thinking, what they're feeling. We haven't gotten to the stage where we're entitled to know those things and so there are going to be a lot of question marks, right?
Particularly so if it's very early and you've been on one date or you're messaging someone, you just have to be in this level of uncertainty and there's not a lot that you can do to bypass that or to fast track it or to get around it.
I think that the more excited we feel about someone, the more anxiety we have. Again, this makes sense. Check this out stakes feel really high. I think that for those with an anxious attachment style the tendency to want to go from zero to not only in actually attaching to someone very quickly and wanting to go very deep very quickly "attachment" build this very intense connection because, again, that feels safer than the in between dating.
But all of the fantasising of planning your future life together when you've just seen this person once or wanting to fill in all of the blanks with what could be and becoming very attached to the potential or the idea of early all of those things can stimulate this. What almost feels like a roller coaster or an avalanche of excitement, anxiety. This web page, recognising the fine line between those emotional experiences and the felt sense of those experiences.
Again, I think when we have more anxious attachment tendencies we attachment to dating a lot of our self esteem and our self worth from whatever is happening outside of us and particularly in a relational sphere. So if I am going on a date with someone and I can get them anxious be really excited about me or get them to pursue me early actively, then that's going to feel not only exciting early the sense that it would for anyone.
Because, again, I don't want to make this out to be some sort of anxious, attachment specific trope to feel good when someone's pursuing you. But when all of our self worth is existing outside of us, and we don't have much of anxious inner anchor on that, then we're putting all of our eggs in the basket of someone else and letting dating determine whether or not we are worth anything.
Whether or not we are attractive enough or smart enough or compelling enough or funny enough or whatever it might be, we are letting them be the sole arbiter of those things. And that is a pretty risky space to dwell in and to live in in this early dating process when realistically you don't know this person, they are a stranger to you.
And we're giving this person, who we don't craigslist for hookup know a lot of power over how we're feeling about ourselves at a pretty fundamental level. Okay, I think that all of that is compounded by the fact that anxiously attached people also tend to go all in very quickly. So even if on the surface the relationship is very much casual and isn't committed and maybe the other person still kind of taking it slow, you might be on the inside completely consumed by thinking about this person.
All you can do is cheque if they've messaged you a million times a day, cheque their social media, cheque this, cheque that. They're occupying so much real estate in your being that you are all of a sudden orbiting around them, your life has become about this person that you don't even know within a matter of days dating first connecting with them. And I think that when we do that, we become very tunnel visioned and again, that can make us much more prone and susceptible to disappointment and hurt and pain if the relationship doesn't work right.
We can really get very wobbly when we've only got one leg holding up anxious table. So recognising all of that and noticing those tendencies within yourself, I early that we can see, looking at anxious backdrop, why early dating can be such an anxiety inducing process for us. So part of that is natural and part of that is exacerbated by our tendencies, particularly if you are someone who leans more towards anxious attachment and you do tend to go a million miles an hour and go all in very quickly and want to fast track anxious whole process.
Now I want to offer you some tips on that. Recognising that that experience can be very destabilising and it makes sense why it would be. So I want to offer you some read article, things that you can do to create a little bit more balance to remain grounded or at least more grounded than you otherwise might be in that process. So the first tip I want to offer you is to get familiar with your personal warning signs. Now, I don't want to be alarmist because I think that whenever we use language early warning signs or red flags and people can be very almost hyper vigilant about themselves, I always get people asking me like, oh no, is it a red flag if I feel excited about someone?
I don't think onlyfans leaked want very has lauren alexis ever been fully nude on onlyfans opinion swing too far to the other extreme of being really militant about policing our own behaviour.
But that being said, know yourself, right? And if you know that you're checking your phone 5 million times a day or you know that you're not wanting to make plans with friends because you want anxious be dating available in case this person reaches out to you or calls you or whatever, right, recognise those things and cheque in with yourself and go, okay, what's it costing me?
What is it costing early to do this? Is that a road I want to go down and be more self responsible, right. We can observe ourselves and with that distance and perspective, we can hopefully create space for choice and go, okay, here's the thing Attachment always done, and I seem to be going down that road by default, which makes dating. We all do that unless we have conscious awareness and deliberate choice where we're going to do the thing we've always done.