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I Dated A Polyamorous Guy & All I Got Was This Lousy Sense Of Exploitation
We met on a Wednesday down the pub. My friend recognised him from his university days polyamorous shouted at him from across the bar to join us at our table, where we and our other friend were eating fish and chips and drinking tequila soda. We parted polyamorous after last orders and a few days later I enquired about him through our mutual friend. I got his number and in a fairly unprecedented move for me, texted him to see if he wanted to go for a polyamorous.
He did, he said, and we met the following Friday on a bench at an outdoor bar in south London where the sun made both of us dating. Three drinks later guy we were at another bar, drinking tequila sunrises and comparing tattoos. We kissed, in a dark corner upstairs — one of those once-in-a-blue-moon kisses that makes your body forget its limbs. We laughed and ribbed each other and kissed some more, until he finally pulled away and, with that same unswerving gaze, admitted that he needed to tell me something. I must have dimmed. I shrugged.
Perhaps he was onto something, I thought. And besides, I was drunk. We carried on kissing and met again a few days later at a social event where neither of us spent much time talking to the other. At the end of the night he offered to walk me home and on check this out street near my flat, leaned in to kiss me and said that he would like to see me later that week.
And so it continued, until one day, sprawled dating in the bath guy thinking about our next encounter, I started to feel the first pangs of jealousy. His reply was swift and insistent. He liked me, he said.
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He would wind things down with her, end it, he said. He would like to see where things went with me. Six, perhaps seven more blissful dates ensued, spent lolling around the park, watching films, being intimate but, on his insistence, never actually having penetrative sex until one night, on a Friday, when we headed back to my place and drank and ate dinner and then inevitably started kissing, stripping our clothes off — two sweaty bodies against each other, staring at the ceiling.
Were things winding down as he said they would? Had he seen her recently? I needed to know columbus hookup we had sex. I rolled over, naked and guy, and after a few minutes staring at the carpet, rose to leave. Where I had been open and understanding of his views, he article source treated mine without even the slightest respect.
As my replies came back less polite, more annoyed, he took offence. There was nothing he could do. He was at the mercy of his feelings. Meanwhile Dating found countless examples of him showing support to his partner online — sharing, liking and posting encouraging comments under her work.
The fondness and affection he felt dating me were suddenly extinguished. Yet unless clear rules and parameters are set to ensure that all parties are treated equally and fairly — which in itself seems counterintuitive to the wider principles of polyamory in wanting to live and love with fewer rules — some participants will always be left wanting.
And in a world where patriarchy still goes unresolved, and women are already set up to fail and to feel inadequate about themselves, this kind of behaviour seems dangerous. Of course all of this could be avoided if the person involved had respected my feelings and my decision to end things early on. I guess in future I will learn to trust my instincts, and take matters into my own polyamorous regardless. Team Unbothered is looking for someone to match our freak.
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Trigger warning: This article contains themes guy abuse. If spending time with your partner feels like it drains, upsets or hurts you, you might be in a tox.