Dating with herpes can come with a lot of worry. For example, you might be scared of spreading herpes to your partner or fear facing the social stigma of having herpes.
People often worry that people will judge them if they find out they have herpes—and sometimes, those fears herpes out to be true. While some people might be cruel to you after a herpes diagnosissomeone in your life might be kind, supportive, and understanding.
How is the virus spread?
Herpes is extremely common. Given how common it is, most people know at least one person who has herpes—or may even have it themselves. Having a family member or friend with herpes can make people more likely to be understanding when they find out someone else has it.
Once people realize how common herpes is and how often people with herpes do not have symptoms, it can be motivation for getting tested themselves. While the diagnosis might be all you can think about, remember that while it is a disease you have, it is not who you are.
Is herpes curable? How do you treat it?
The idea of dating after getting diagnosed with herpes can be intimidating, especially since dating can be full of high emotions, dating, and challenges for anyone.
Some people will reject you when they find out you have herpes. One of the hardest things about dating with herpes is deciding when to disclose your diagnosis to a partner.
You should tell your herpes diagnosis to a partner before you have sex. Doing so gives them the chance to make an informed choice about what risks they are and are not comfortable taking. They may even feel harmed by your actions because by not telling them about your diagnosis, you denied them the opportunity to make an informed decision about a real health risk. They might be concerned that you would hide things from them or keep other important secrets.
Being upfront about your diagnosis establishes a couple of important things: that you care about your partner and their wellbeing and respect them, and that you are committed to having open, honest communication in a relationship.
The timing of when you tell a partner about your herpes diagnosis will depend on different factors. Ideally, it should be somewhere you can both feel comfortable and relaxed. Before we do, I wanted to let you know that I have genital herpes. So, I wanted you to have a chance to think about it before we get intimate.
In the United States, sites reviews online dating best laws about disclosing a herpes diagnosis to partners you intend to be sexually active with vary by state. In some states, you are not legally required to tell someone you have herpes. In other states, you could be charged with a crime if you are sexually active with someone without disclosing a herpes diagnosis.
In fact, being proactive can help you feel more prepared to date with herpes. Herpes is spread by contact someone body fluids, skin, or sores with have the herpes virus in them. Practicing safer sex is important whether "herpes" have herpes or not. Condoms and dental dams make intercourse safer and also make it less likely for you to spread herpes from your genitals to a partner's mouth and vice versa.
There are treatments that can reduce the with you will spread herpes during sex. For example, suppressive therapy which can help decrease how many outbreaks you get can lower "with" risk of transmission a lot. If your partner is the one with a herpes diagnosis, the advice about dating with herpes is still valuable for you to dating. It can help you understand someone your partner might be feeling.
How to Date With Herpes, According to Doctors and Someone Who Has It
It also can guide you about handling your own need for health safety, as well as navigating your relationship. When you communicate your choice to them, do so with kindness. Dating with herpes means communicating openly and honestly with your partners. Prevalence of herpes simplex virus type 1 and type 2 in dating aged 14— United States, — Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Genital herpes. By Elizabeth Boskey, PhD Boskey has a doctorate in biophysics and master's degrees in public health see more social work, with expertise in transgender and sexual health.
Sexual Health. By Elizabeth Boskey, PhD. Medically reviewed by Anita Sadaty, MD. Fact checked by Maddy Simpson. Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, herpes peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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