So I'm a Pakistani girl, guy years old and I've been dating my white boyfriend for over 2 years. We go to college together, have a healthy relationship and really love each other. We both have high career goals and are doing well, we want to stay together and one day get married.
The only issue is my family, I come from a strict Pakistani family and I'm not allowed to date at all. My parents always remind me I'm only allowed to marry a Pakistani Muslim man and that's it. They don't know about him white all, I plan to tell them when we're closer pakistani actually getting married but for now telling them is still some time down the road but I worry girl how dating react.
My parents and my boyfriend are very important to me, I don't want to give my relationship up but I'm so scared my parents will disown me or will never speak to me if I go through with being with my boyfriend. I don't even know how I'll go about telling them, their anger and hurt makes me scared to do it something I feel very guilty towards for my boyfriend for. Honestly, I would just appreciate any advice or encouragement. It's hard to find genuine supper in my community because people tell me it's not worth the trouble and sadness but I love my boyfriend and were so great together.
I would hate to let my happiness slip away because I was scared to defy my parents. You would do well to break up with him now, heal and then save face with your family by never letting them know that you have been with someone that they would never approve of.
If they find out, they will cut off any college funding and that will be the least of your punishment. It would be different if they were modern and willing to go against custom and culture but white who date black dating site when they say "a Muslim man and that's it" they are not going to waver.
Not even if he converts to the Muslim religion because he's not of your culture. You're old enough to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. If you try to please them both by lying, you will lose them both. You'll need to decide if racism is something you want to control the rest of your life just to make your parents happy. Its not racism at all. Its culture. Im sure they wouldnt mind if she was just friends with him.
Pick one. Youll have to. The reason your parents want you to marry in your own go here is because you will have a better chance of staying together with him and in the muslim culture, they always resort to pakistani things out in a relationship if something seems off. Its a more promising future with a muslim guy. With the american culture, its very rare for it to be promising.
People see a problem with their relationship and want to break up as if it will never work out. It is just how people function. If you pick the guy, your parents will be hurt, and will disown you. You will have no financial support or emotional support whatsoever from them. You will have your boyfriend for that.
And then if something happens in your relationship that results in your boyfriend leaving you, you will have no one. My suggestion would be to dating up for now until you are able to stand on your own two feet financially and emotionally.
Then, go fall in love with who ever. In all honesty your parents intentions are only for you to be happy for long term. They want you to never have to go through a break up how it used to be way back in the day. Thats all. The decision is yours. If your parents disown you, then they never loved you. No good parents will choose to disown their child over a dating preference.
This isn't dating native woman 's. My parents openly voiced their disapproval about me being in a serious relationship with a foreigner of a girl race.
I held my ground despite their disapproval, eventually moved in with him.
It pissed them off that I would move in before marriage sorry, my job was far from their house and rent in an inner city area is outrageous. I didn't speak to my parents for two months, but they got over it.
My partner and I are now happily married. Your parents can rage, gripe, and get pissed all they want. How they handle their own reactions and emotions girl their own problem. They need to deal with that. You are responsible for creating your own path and sticking with your choice with minimal regret.
Part of being an independent adult is white up to your decision, whether it's a god one or a mistake. Honesty is the best policy. You tell them. No more secret relationships like you're in grade school. You are 21, not They have no control over your relationship and they cannot force you to break up; you must decide that on your own terms. Your real problem is maintaining boundaries and standing up for them. This sets the tone with your social circle.
In time, or will discover that not everyone will approve your relationship over the smallest things whether you do decide to marry someone to your parents' liking. That's just life.
If you cannot stand up for your relationship, then you are giving others control of how you live. I, as well as many posters here, cannot give dating absolute advice on what is the best way to approach.
Do realize that the common viewpoint of this online community is based on a Westernize culture. However, you should not cower forever with any decision you make from this point on. It's discrimination based on the color of his skin, it's racism. As girl minority myself married to another minority I've guy to deal with this racism first hand. How can you be sure she'll have a more promising future with a Muslim guy?
No one can say and insisting on it is a little racist too. I hope you white reflect upon my advice about boundaries.
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Not just for dealing with your family, but for people in general. Muslim is not pakistani race- it is a theology. The issue is mainly going to be on religious differences. And in Muslim society, for the OP's boyfriend to be accepted by her family he will be expected to convert to Islam- otherwise he will be viewed as an infidel.
The chances of this working are extremely slim. And in Muslim society, for the OP's boyfriend to be accepted by her family he will be expected to convert to Islam.
Heck, my parents didn't want me dating marry my husband mostly because he wasn't American. He came from a third world Asian country legally for better education and training in medicine. We both practiced the same religion, but there definitely were significant culture clashes. If my husband wasn't Catholic, I don't think we would have overcome the many cultural obstacles we had in our first few years of dating.
To the op, do you want xenophobia to run the rest of your life just to please your parents? Doing so may make them happy, but it doesn't mean you will be.
The girl is Pakistani and her boyfriend is white. That is quite a tough situation. I'm an Indian AMerican who faces a similar issue in terms of parents wanting us to marry certain people. You have my encouragement. Tough situation that's for sure. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do in this type of situation, you know in your heart what you want to do and unless you do that you won't be satisfied.
My best advice is once you're done school, able to start a career and move out you should tell them. Be stable on your own that way if they do disown you, you're not left in a bad spot. Yes emotionally it will be difficult, but it's your happiness against your parents. You have to do what's best for YOU, you know? Sounds like you're doing pretty good and I don't think you guy punish yourself for the rest of your life to have approval from your parents.
I use to be in this position and there really isn't any easy way out, but I believe if you dig deep within yourself and really really think about what's white for you, you will make the right choice. Best of luck! By Matthew Frankin Marriage19 hours ago. By Willard Guyin Marriage22 hours ago. By Olivia Sandersin Marriage22 hours ago. October Monday at PM.